Clingon.

Holding onto old habits because they’re comfortable. Or is it because the holding pattern is too long?

I miss being what my dear friend P says: that I add spice to life. I don’t feel that way here, land of prudent spending and saving for my future. But living in a first-world country usually means a higher life expectancy. So, conserve your resources when you can while living in the “land of plenty.” (Ha! how ironic that these stable societies are the first to go under…see: 2008 recession.)

As a nihilist, what is left for me to hold on to, to make me realise that I am still me? The definitions I erected for decades have been smashed into pieces in the span of four years; I no longer believe in religion, spirituality, soulmates, unconditional/everlasting love, marriage, finding my life’s happiness solely in a partner, being reckless with money, feeling invincible with my social status…hell, even my status in life…

New definitions abound: relationships as partnerships, without the guarantee of everlasting, spending for needs, wants when there’s spare change, having 10 year plans, the reality of a late retirement/working well into middle age, resisting temptations/impulses sucessfully because consequences are fully understood, accepting change without defaulting into absolutes.

Sonetimes it takes all of my energy to not go insane while being sensible.

  1. aviarose posted this